Starting my afternoon off decently.
Cigarette and overly creamed coffee.

When I woke up (about an hour ago), I had been trying to remember my really freaky dream. I laid there motionless until it all came back to me. I can't say anything about the dream now, because I have officially forgotten it. Afterwards, I started thinking about how Thanksgiving is coming up. How I'm going to balloon into a manatee. Freaked me out. Then I started to think about how last year around that time, I was at my lowest weight in years... I slept through Thanksgiving Day. Shit. I have no excuse to miss out on it now. Maybe I'll fake being sick.

On another note, I was just thinking about how I will always be stuck in the ugly duckling stage of my life. My hair is short, my nails are gross, I can't put on make-up that well, and I have all this fucking acne. I swear I didn't just start puberty. When will this end? I want to be a fucking swan.

oh la la
I love this.
I have been informed that H&M's clothes are pretty cheap. I had always assumed the opposite because of the prices on the online store.
SO! After I start this job, save up money to fix my car, and majorly pay some bills, I'm taking a trip up there.
Done deal.

So, I just woke up and I'm trying to go back to bed. That seems impossible now that I've downed a glass of apple cider.

Tumblr post.

I was just trying to look through all the people that I follow. I've known this for a while, but if I get over a certain number of people that I follow, I have to make the (what seems like serious) decisions to unfollow a few people. I need to stay under that certain number to stay sane. I can't explain why.

When I first got on Tumblr, the number was around 32, I believe. It then went up to 40. Now I am at 52 or something. Uggghhh. I hate following too many people. I feel like I can't keep track of them all. I follow those I know and ones that I will look at every time I log on. 

Inactive, irrelevant to my current interests, or just annoying/pretentious. Unfollow. Peace-out. See ya later.

Same thing goes for Gaia. Yes, I sadly still have an account on there. It's for the dress-up, I swear! If I can't put a face with the user, I just haven't spoken to them in over a year, or they're just annoying/pretentious, unfriended. No way, no how. 

I realize that this isn't relevant to anything. I just realized how I have an issue with how many I follow on tumblr. I'm sure this is silly. 

OH WELL.

I'm slurpin' some coffee and about to smoke a cigarette. Gotta hop in the shower. Gotta get a call for this new job. Gotta get more money to pay my piled up bills. Gotta stop myself from freaking out.

ugh ugh ugh

Alright, I'm in love with my iPhone. I downloaded the blogger app. I want to say its lame, but I feel it will be useful when I'm having an internal rant.

What a terrific and awkward moment in my life...

This man, Chuck Klosterman, is someone that I used to daydream about having a conversation with. I would never actually know what we would say beyond, "Hey, how's it goin'?" I loved listening to him speak that night. Reading or listening to what an intelligent, intellectual, and funny person has to say is something I could do all day. If I am required to talk back, then this would become the most embarrassing day of my life. I feel like such a horrible moron when I am required to throw in my input on a situation or viewpoint. I really want to sound intelligent, but I just come off as a slow no-witted troll. I had him sign one of my books (which I've been calling by the wrong name for what I'm gonna guess has been years now) and got a picture with him. He then said he really appreciated us coming out, and actually seemed genuine about it. As I was walking away, I feebly said, "I really like your books." That's it. I really like your books. Not, "Blah blah blah something pop culture." Fuuuuck! I'm such an idiot that I can't even think of a real sentence that I could have asked him! I'm so embarrassed about what I said and what I could have said to him. I really just hope that he forgets how stupid I am. Which, I'm actually super sure he forgot it as I walked away. 

I really just want to figure out how to have an intelligent conversation with someone without sounding like a nincompoop or a jerk.

Ughhgghhgghhh all I want is coffee right now. I'm broke as shit, but there is a Dunkin' Donuts down the street. That's what I've got my stomach set on. Time to go beg, but I'll try to do it brilliantly. I'll be a brilliant beggar.

So, it's 12:30 and I just woke up. I'm smoking a cigarette and enjoying my time on this damned laptop machine. Something scurries in front of the garage door. I look up. It's a chipmunk. They are super cute, but quite terrifying when you just woke up. Well, now I know the little guy is living in the garage/wall/ceiling/whatever area.

/end nonsense

The boy hates getting on Facebook because of this game. It's so addicting, but I wish it were so much more like the real Sims. Try again, Playfish.

I have been watching youtube videos of this show for the past hour and a half. I guess one could say that I'm mildly intrigued by the transformation that these girls go through. Mildly. I swear every girl who has grown up with the media somewhere in their grasp goes through this every morning, too.
It seems that the judges pick the girl who looks the least "cutie asian" (I don't know what else to call that look, and I know I sound horrible ignorant)  as the winner at the end of each episode. Of course, that can't be seen in this one. I'm just going to assume that Kitty wasn't chosen, but damn I loved her eye makeup. I'm going to try to emulate that tomorrow.
Meaning: look up how-to videos tomorrow.

Well, that's just disappointing.

Score! Thumbelina is on Netflix now! I've been waiting for this, actually. When I was younger (and even now), I could watch this movie on repeat. I love the artwork, facial expressions, and the clothing in this movie. I think it's so funny that she plays with her skirt so much. It's almost as if she was a child, and maybe that's why I loved it so much. The beetle dress was always my favorite outfit, though. It's so eccentric.
After watching this movie, I realize that all fairy tale movies are possibly the root to my (and maybe all girl's)obsession with ballerina flats. I remember in Beauty and The Beast, Belle's shoes were the prettiest things I had ever seen. Ugh! They were so hard to draw though! I haven't tried to draw flats in years. I wonder how they would look.
Next post: picture of ballerina flats.

Reasons why I felt awesome earlier today:
1. Lukas behaved so well today.
2. Knick stopped by.
3. Knick got a new DECENT car.
4. KNICK BROUGHT ME FLOWERS <333 OMG SOSO KEWT<333
5.

I thought my outfit was kinda awesome today (of course you can't see it). I thought I planned it out so well. Black/gray sweater dress, black hose, black wedges from payless, gold belt, and gold necklace on my ankle. Yaarrr.

I came into work feeling chipper and left feeling bitter.
I'm not the perfect saleswoman and need coached super badly, I understand and I'm cool with that. The way my manager gets frustrated with me bothers me only a tad. But GOD DAMMIT, I so so so HATE being talked to like I have the mental capacity of a 2 year old. FUCK OFF. I'm not an idiot. I can understand what you're saying if you explain it correctly.
Basically: LRN 2 SPK BETR

i hope certain people don't look back and think of me as "that"girl.