I can't figure out what I want to do tonight.
My plans don't entail anything extravagant or even exciting. Do I want to read? Do I want to Netflix my night away? Should I attempt to get into video gaming tonight?
Its up in the air.
I'm so over today.
Half tempted to just devour this gas station pizza, hate myself a little (of course), and then go to sleep before I can cry myself into what I would hope to be an eternal slumber.
I'm in such a mood that I don't feel like I could be happy anymore. I know I only feel this way because of my period, but holy shit... This needs to end.
I think I might read.

I love my MAC makeupz. I love the colors and I love the way my skin looks.
I remember the first time my mom took me into one of their stores. I was so confused and scared. The girl was testing out the makeup on me and I was nervous about my face being disgusting and broken out and greasy and slimey and just ugh.

She was all like, "Your skin is gorgeous!" and I was like "Yeucckk.. not." I mean I really didn't say anything, but just looked at her like she was crazy. I looked at my mom for reassurance about this crazy girl, like is she really gonna let this poor blind girl put makeup on my face? I don't know.

She put the makeup on my face and I felt all pretty and we bought it then left. After that experience, I felt like maybe I did have pretty skin. Maybe she was right? My self esteem had been shot down through the floor, into the basement, through the earth, and then smacked me in the face a couple years previous.  So, really, I needed that boost.

Now that I'm a tad bit older, and a regular customer. I realized that these girls have got to work on commission... And they probably have to tell you that you're really pretty and the makeup looks GREAT on you in order to make their sales.

Whelp. That just fucking sucks. I felt sooo good for sooo many years and then that finally dawned on me. I just went in yesterday and bought some foundation. My favorite girl was working and she let me try on some lip glass while she watched. She told me that it looked really pretty on me. NO it really really looked pretty on me. God, I wanted to laugh at her.

I'm so glad that I have a job that I don't have to push myself onto people. I really wish that the people would just stop calling, or we had some kind of forwarding to an answering machine service...

Again, I forgot where I was going with this post.

I'M TRYING HERE.

I'M

I swear, whenever I get to Katy's we end up hanging out, bullshitting, eating, more bullshitting, and more eating.... Then all of a sudden, one of us pulls out our laptops and start showing each other things we find funny.
Somehow, three hours of our night ends up being devoted to watching videos of road rage/car crashes over in Russia.
This is absolutely addicting and terrifying. How the hell can these people be allowed on their roads? I don't believe they know what a turn signal is. I also think that the break is located somewhere on the back of the drivers seat, just enough under the headrest that they cannot reach it. Holy shit these videos boggle my little brain.
I would be in a constant state of panic if I had to drive over there. Yeah. Fuck. That. Shit.

I DO find this video hilarious and awesome, however. I find both drivers to be assholes, but this is definitely good payback.

BTW
I know I'm large and loud and for some reason proud, but Katy says I look retarded.

I say I look comfy.
People at work keep commenting on what I've been wearing lately.
I'm wearing warm. Fuck style and keep with the comfort right now.

The end

The last two days have been absolutely mournful. I couldn't sit, lay down, laugh, eat, breathe... Even looking around was awful.
I think I'm finally getting over this. I just took some off-brand NyQuil and expect myself to be falling asleep very soon. Actually, I feel like I'm fighting it off right now.
Rosemary's Baby is playing. I'm only half watching. I need to rewind to about 15 minutes ago, but I don't think the medicine will allow me that time to watch it.
Actually.
I'm done.
G'night.

Uuughhh. 

My chest/shoulder/neck area hurt so much. It feels like that ice cream shell topping: stiff and cold. I feel lik all I need is a spoon, and someone can crack me open and make me feel better. 

Before I went to bed last night, my throat felt like it was swelling and then I had a horrible cough. It's gotten worse since I woke up. I've eaten nothing but soup and I can't take it anymore. 

I'm gettin' my mac'n'cheese on.

Reading Chamber of Secrets while Memento is playing inthe background. Drinking hot chocolate while trying to push bitter feelings towards myself out of my mind. Bitter feelings I like to blame the prologue to my lady parts' horrible journey through a red river of burning hot pain for doing. 

This is me tonight.

The last fuck that I gave of the day was probably around 7 hours ago.

Also, I'm a huge fan of runon sentences. Fuck off.

I cannot believe I have spent 5 hours looking up the most random shit on google...

Obviously, these searches aren't the only ones that took up my time.
I'm not gonna lie.
It all started with Joan Rivers.
I did end up on this wonderful blog (I was still searching for things while reading it, though) about a military housewife who has 5 children. 2 of them have downs syndrome and 1 of the 2 is adopted from the Ukraine.
Absolutely blown away by how amazing her children are.

I don't know if it is because I'm about to start shark week or what, but children have been making me want to cry all night. They are such brave, curious, and innocent little creatures. I wish I didn't have such little patience, because they are freaking cute to look at or just hang out with for a bit, but it is totally awesome to just hand them back to their parents.

Oh glob, I don't know what I'm rambling about anymore.
I'm super glad I somehow opted out of the soppy self pity "I SUCK" post that I was thinking of in my head.

Herp.