I need to go to bed.
One moment I'm trying to be fine and act normally...
The next moment, I'm a hysterical mess.

Eugh.

I hate today.
Everything about it.
I've fucked up all day. I'm fucking up right now.
I want to rip my skin open or bash my head agains the wall.
I know it wont make anything better, but I'm so fucking frustrated.
I can't do anything right.
Ever.
I'm a failure.

Uggghhh.
FUCK! I hate this!

I want to curl up and never leave the house.
I know that wont happen.
I never want to eat again.
That's basically a joke.
I can't even harm myself.
I won't ever do anything right.
All this pent up anger and stress just makes me do and say idiotic things.
Lock me away.
I'm selfish. I fucking want to ugh.. I don't know.

Title cannot be blank?

 Is your UGW in an “unhealthy“ range of BMI?

Nope.

It's barely close to being underweight.

I hopefully still wont hate myself physically.

Uh, yeah.

Anyways... This is happening. They finally got the new english dubbed Naruto Shippuden episodes online and I'm catching up.

This episode is ridonk. 

Talking ninja ostrich?

Shino shows emotion?

I don't know if it's because it's nearly 2am or this episode is whack, but I cannot keep up with it.

You know you need to go to bed when the internet is trying to convince you a dog's butt hole looks like jesus.

Done.

Right... So I guess I fail at this challenge.
Oh well, I'll keep going.

2.    Describe your dream/goal body.

I want my belly to be gone. I want my arms to be slim. I have never really been a fan of toned arms, but I'm afraid if I do nothing they will stay as blobs... 

I hate that my thighs touch. I'm pretty sure any dream I have of a thigh gap is just that a dream, though. I would at least like to have slimmer thighs if that is possible. 

The biggest thing is my belly and neck/gobbler area. If it weren't for these red areas, I probably wouldn't hate my physical self as much as I do.

I know the only way to make these issues disappear is to work on them, but I'm a quitter. 

I need somebody to push me.

Push meeee.

Okay... I'm going to try this 80 Day Challenge that I found on Tumblr.
I don't want to post it on my tumblr just because.... Honestly I don't know, because I'm pretty sure this blog is linked to my tumblr.
So... A question a day + maybe some thoughts afterwards will do.

1.    Write your current stats: height, current weight and goal weight. Why are you losing weight?

5'3"

CW 145

GW 108

The same reason as most others. I can't stand looking in the mirror. I hate seeing myself in other's pictures. I truly hate how hard it is to get dressed. Like... Nothing looks good on me anymore. I feel like all I should be allowed to wear is a potato sack. I'm hideous.

I want results.

I'm hoping this will help motivate me.

I will also say that I was bored tonight.
Was heading to Knick's house, but he ended up being tired.
I drove around for a bit, not wanting to go straight home....
Since its Memorial Day weekend... I knew dui checkpoints would be out.
I was determined to find one for some reason...

Whelp.
I found one.
Just wanted to see what he would say since I'm a hideous wreck and I'm fucking tired and could look like I'm under the influence.
Nothing.
I felt awesome...
Then extremely lame.

I can't believe I'm sharing this.
I can't believe I called my boyfriend to tell him about this.
UGH